Friday night I was out with some friends for drinks, and as we encouraged one guy to move on to new relationships, we asked him what his criteria was for a woman he’d date (in case we had one to set him up with, of course). His first response: a good heart. This provoked a lively discussion about how exactly that’s defined: what constitutes a good heart? What does that mean?
Later, it got me thinking – as this time of year always does – about the extent to which I can believe with confidence that I have a “good heart”. On the surface, I seem to have the credentials: foster mother, urban teacher, faithful Christian…
However, since my divorce I have suspected that I may be a rather selfish person – I really didn’t want to “stay & work it out” – I wanted to run my own life. I was never able to make my life revolve around my husband, or even to make him feel like he was the center of my universe. What does that say about my heart?
I come from a Scandinavian Methodist tradition: faith = good works. We don’t talk much about it, we just do the right thing. Integrity is everything. It is very important to me not only to be perceived to be doing the right thing, but actually to be doing the right thing, and so… when what’s right for me is not the same as what’s right for someone else, (hence, my divorce,) I struggle. Who am I to put myself first? Though it feels necessary, it doesn’t always feel right.
I wonder why not.
4 comments:
Carrie Bradshaw...
You must think about yourself first because if you don't who else will? Dare I offend anyone by saying "God works in mysterious ways".
Carrie Bradshaw...You have to think about yourself first because if you don't who will? Dare I risk offending anyone by saying "God works in mysterious ways"?!
Is there a more self-centered character in recent pop culture than Carrie Bradshaw?
hence the commundrum!
Post a Comment